Finding Home
by SilverStarsAndMoons
Summary: Finn finds living in a new family difficult. Leaning on Rachel, he struggles to accept his new reality. But when bullying threatens to tear the Glee club apart, Finn must step up to help his team and girlfriend while still supporting his new stepbrother.


He loves her, firstly, because she's so small. Finn has spent the majority of his sixteen years in life feeling totally out of control. Awkward, silly, always breaking things, never fitting anywhere. So it's comforting and pleasing to him to have to help her out of cars, or over big steps and puddles. He loves to cuddle her on his lap, feeling her lay her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck. He loves to be in control. She's tiny, like a doll – and he loves to take care of her.

But more importantly, he loves her because she's smart, and he isn't. He's woefully dumb. He knows it, and he knows that no matter how hard he tries, he always will be dumb, but she doesn't make him feel that way. She never laughs at him when he mispronounces words; she never scoffs at him for taking a long time to express a thought, or when he charges angrily around the room, full of feelings with no way to express them.

Learning disabilities suck, she's told him many times, even though he's never been diagnosed and he isn't really sure whether to feel good that she's attributing his thickness to something or offended that you have to have something wrong with you if you don't quite make it to intellectual par.

Either way, she gets him. He doesn't always get her, but she seems to always understand him.

So when he ended up leaving Kurt and Burt's house after the wedding because he couldn't stand the way they played Happy Families with his mother while he hasn't even had time to process stuff, he found himself at her house, with her standing over him.

And she didn't get it.

"It was a beautiful wedding," she said, looking confused. "I'm not sure what the problem is. You gave the best man speech; it went over amazingly, Finn. It should have, of course," she added, looking proud – she'd helped – and then continued. "You have a new family now. What's the problem?"

He'd looked down at her, at her earnest brown eyes underneath the fall of shining bangs, and sighed. "I don't know. It doesn't feel right. Of course I'm glad Mom's happy . . ."

"But?" She's always able to hear the uncertainty in his voice, so he's wrong-footed now. He shrugs, shifts from one foot to the other, and looks up uncomfortably at the pink bed canopy, which is at eye-level to his head.

"I feel weird moving in this room."

"Finn, just tell me what you're talking about." Her voice is getting impatient – sometimes Rachel has issues waiting for answers – and he looks at the floor, at one of his toes protruding from his sock.

"I don't like it. I don't want to have another dad, or a brother. I don't want my mom to live anywhere else but my house. And I don't really want to live in the same house as Kurt."

Her eyebrows shoot up, and he immediately feels stupid. "Forget it, Rach. Forget I said it."

She sighs. "Finn, we went over this months ago. You're not being replaced."

"Then why do I feel like I am?" His voice rises, and he turns from her, frustrated. "You don't get it. You don't have to share your dads with anyone. It's just been me and my mom, for a long time."

"So? She's happy, Finn. They've done what they can to make this easier on you . . ." she trails off as she watches his face fall. "What do you want them to do? Just break up because you don't approve?"

"I thought you'd get it," he mutters, and she looks sympathetic.

"Look, Finn. You need to grow up, okay?" She shakes back her hair, seats herself at her dressing table, and begins to rub lotion into her hands. "At most, you'll have to live there for the next year and a half. Then you can go to college in New York with me, and we'll get our own place, okay?"

He shakes his head, smiling a little. "I don't think I'd fit in in New York."

She looks up at him, shrugging. "You'd find something to do."

He gapes at her for a few minutes, and then shakes his own head. "Can I stay here for a bit? Your dads won't care."

"No, but I might." She gets up and puts her hands on her hips. "You know how I feel about you staying over, Finn. It's . . . weird. And kind of inappropriate. I love you, but . . . you need to respect my need for privacy."

"I can't stay there, okay? It's like this room . . . except more sequins. And I feel weird changing in front of a guy who's – "

Her voice sharpens. "Who's what? Who's gay? Haven't you gotten over that yet?"

"He had a crush on me!" whines Finn, then feels stupid. That really isn't the problem anymore. He knows Kurt doesn't care about him that way. "I don't want to watch him laugh and talk with my mom about girly stuff while I sit there and look at my plate."

Rachel hears the miserable tone in his voice and sits on his lap, kissing the top of his head. "You can stay in the guest room. For tonight. But you need to get over this, okay?"

"Why are you on their side?" His voice cracks a little, with emotion he doesn't really get, and she sighs.

"Because it makes everyone happy. Everyone except you," she mutters, but strokes his hair again. "I know it's hard to adjust to, but I think this could be really good for you. And it gives Kurt a foundation, you know? Maybe he'll feel better with a family behind him to stop the bullying, and a stepbrother to watch his back. Plus, he cares a lot about you, Finn."

"I care about him, too. I just . . . feel strange."

Rachel shrugs. "I don't know how to help you with that one. I don't really get it," she says honestly. "My mother lives with the adopted baby of my fellow choir mate. She never really even gave me a chance. At least Burt gave you one."

"Yeah. He's a good guy," agrees Finn, and Rachel smiles.

"Don't think too much. Just do your best to fit in, I guess?" Now Rachel sounds uncertain, and Finn puts his hand on the small of her back, rubbing it and feeling the stiff muscles relax.

"I love you," he says instead, and she smiles the special smile she gives him when he says that - the one that has no pride or anxiety in it.

He holds her close, and she curls up in his arms, listening to his heartbeat.

"I love you, too."

/~/

Kurt's examining the curtains when he gets home the next day. "I used Oxiclean on these, but I still can't get these stains out."

"Sorry," says Finn sheepishly – he'd accidentally splashed Coke on the curtains during a particularly tense moment in Halo 3.

Kurt straightens up. "Where were you last night? I told Carole and Dad that you were staying late for football practice, but then you didn't get home at all. I can't keep covering for you. You could have called them."

Finn knows Kurt is right, but he's sick of him trying to control everything. "I can do what I want. I was with Rachel, okay?"

Kurt's face purses in a sour expression. "Ugh. Why?"

Finn, already on edge, explodes. "Why do you think? She's my girlfriend, Kurt. And sometimes I need to get out of this house!"

Kurt snaps back, "I should have known that everything you said at the wedding was probably for show." He sighs then, looking remorseful. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"I don't really care what you think." Finn kicks at a satin pillow lying on his side of the basement, and it flies up and onto Kurt's bed. "I'm tired of you making fun of her, of you getting all pissy about her. I love her. That should be enough for you to want to be nice to her."

Kurt's voice, always grating when he's angry, drives an ice pick into Finn's skull as he shrills back, "It doesn't matter what I think about her, Finn. I just hate that whenever you're with her, you ignore this family. You don't come home, you don't call. You just don't give a damn about us, and you do about her!"

Finn opens his mouth to roar back, but a sharp knock on the door stops both boys from arguing further. Kurt throws Finn an angry look before climbing the stairs to open the door to the basement.

Burt and Carole both follow him down. "What's going on here?" asks Burt, frowning.

"We could hear you guys fighting upstairs. Finn, where WERE you?" Carole's face is dark with anger, and Finn starts to feel the first pangs of remorse. He opens his mouth to answer, but Carole shakes her head. "You don't EVER leave me without calling! You know the rules, Finn. You know you don't do that." Her voice breaks, and Burt begins to rub her shoulders.

Finn looks at his feet. "I'm sorry, Mom. Sorry, Burt."

"What are you kids fighting about?" Burt's booming voice causes Kurt to shrink a little into himself, and he looks at Finn, his face unreadable. Finn speaks up.

"Nothing. Kurt was worried I didn't come home last night. That's all."

Burt beams. "I like to see my boys caring for each other. Nice. You have his back, Finn, he has yours."

"Yeah," agrees Finn, but he refuses to look Kurt in the eye. When the two adults leave, he faces Kurt.

"He's right. I do have your back. But not sure how I can have it when you don't even go to the same school as me anymore. Why do you care so much about what I do, especially with Rachel?"

"Because we're brothers, Finn!" Kurt's voice begins to rise again, and he lowers it, tries to get himself under control. "You can do better than that diva!"

"Better with you?" It comes out of Finn's mouth before he can stop it and Kurt's face reddens, then falls. Finn wants to kick himself. "I'm sorry. Kurt, I'm sorry. I know you don't think that."

"I can dislike your girlfriend and not want you as my boyfriend," mutters Kurt. "But you're never going to let me forget that, are you?"

Finn looks at his feet, at his toe that keeps poking out of the hole in his sock, and apologizes again. "That's my problem, dude. It's not yours. I know you don't feel that way. I'm sorry."

Kurt turns away, but his face softens. "It's not my relationship. I'm sorry, too."

Finn looks at him. "We're brothers, sure, but I need some time away. Okay?"

Kurt doesn't answer, but as Finn leaves the basement, he nods quietly.

"Okay."

/~/

Rachel lies in Finn's lap outside the school, and watches the clouds pass over the football poles. "I'm glad we have a better chance this year with our Sectionals songs."

"Well, Mr. Schue changes them every five minutes, so I don't know," quips Finn, stroking her hair and closing his eyes against the sun. It's been a warm fall, and now, at the end of November, he's not even wearing a jacket, though he's covered Rachel with his varsity jacket to keep her from getting cold.

She's been quieter lately, less willing to speak up in Glee rehearsal, and when she's with him, she wants to cuddle, to hear his heartbeat and close her eyes against his chest. He doesn't really understand why she's changed so much, but he's been enjoying the cuddling and the unexpected quiet. He's actually talked more than he ever has in his entire life in this past week, and she's almost responding to him differently, with more respect for what he has to say.

He's mulling this over when he feels a creeping wetness on his shirt and looks down to see her face buried in his chest, her shoulders heaving.

"Shh, Rach. What's wrong?" He tips her chin up and she looks at him out of liquid brown eyes, her lower lip trembling.

"I don't want to sing in Sectionals," she mutters, and cuddles closer to him. "I'm tired of it all."

"Of Glee?" This is so unlike her that he's gobsmacked and actually struck dumb for a few moments. She turns into him and sobs heartbrokenly against his chest for awhile before sniffling, her hiccups shaking her whole tiny body.

"Hey. What's going on?" He raises her chin again and uses his thumbs to wipe under her eyes. The wetness on his fingers is warm, and she watches her own tears glitter in the sun for a moment before answering.

"They won't stop calling. I changed my number and they got it again. I used to love to talk on the phone!"

He's confused, and strokes her hair for a moment before asking the obvious question. "Who? Who is calling you?"

Rachel sits up, pulls away from Finn. "I don't know who. But I can guess. Probably members of Vocal Adrenaline."

They never discuss Jesse's effect on Rachel, or the relationship the two had. He knows that Jesse and his choir mates egged Rachel in the parking lot; he knows that they had a long, painful conversation by phone and that ever since, members of VA have gone out of their way to make Rachel's life hell. He isn't sure why. Jesse professed to have cared about Rachel. Finn doesn't understand why he'd go out of his way to ensure Rachel feels awful.

Rachel changed her number, and the prank calls stopped. He's interested to know how they got it again – no one but the Glee club has Rachel's number.

Rachel wipes her eyes and sighs shakily. "I'm tired of running from them. From the bullies. Why is this okay, Finn?"

He hasn't got an answer for her, but he holds her more closely, and kisses her slight swollen, salty-tasting lips.

"I don't know. I love you. We'll find out."

/~/

Kurt is in love with his new uniform and spends hours modeling it front of the mirror, even after he's home from school and Finn is home from Glee practice. Finn mostly ignores the preening, but tonight, after catching a humming from Kurt and watching him do a couple of dance steps in the mirror, he decides to bring up Kurt's leaving again.

"Why'd you do it two weeks before Sectionals?"

"Once again, Finn, choir competitions sort of pale in comparison to being constantly bullied."

"Well, Rachel can fight through it. Why can't you?"

"I'm sorry, since when was Rachel pushed into lockers and threatened with her life?"

Kurt turns from the mirror to look at Finn, his face darkening. "I know it sucks, okay? But I'm a lot safer and happier at Dalton. And I think you of all people should recognize that and support it."

"Well, Kurt, we're kind of left in the lurch. And I thought we were your friends, too. Instead, you've gone to the competition. Fine, I get your reasoning, but it still doesn't change the fact that you have a strong, good voice, and we've lost it to a private school."

"Why are you so mad at me now when you were totally for this last week?"

"I wasn't ever totally for it. You didn't tell me until you made the announcement in Glee. You know, for someone who's so up in my life, it's kind of funny that you don't tell me anything."

Kurt takes off his blazer and smoothes it over a hanger. "It's something I had to come to on my own. I knew you'd encourage me to stay."

"Because we're a team, Kurt!" Finn runs a hand through his hair. "We were standing behind you. We were willing to protect you!"

"I know, and I appreciate it. But I was unsafe. Sorry. I really don't understand why you wouldn't support this. Why you're questioning this."

"Rachel's getting it, too. It's not just you. She's getting prank called constantly and I don't know why. She doesn't want to sing anymore, either, but she's doing it. Why can't you?"

"Why can't I be more like your girlfriend?" Kurt spits, his face reddening. "Maybe it's because if Rachel's getting shit for her behaviour, she probably deserves it. And I don't think I deserve to get bullied for being gay."

"Are you kidding?" Finn stands up, towering over Kurt. "How about no one deserves bullying? How about teams stick together?"

"I don't want to fight," replies Kurt. "You're right. She doesn't deserve to be bullied. But she'll get through it. She always does."

"Maybe this time she won't," spits Finn. "And maybe you're not the person I thought you were. I thought you'd support her, support us. You always did before."

"I did before I realized that everyone from that school is never going to change. Not you, not Rachel. And I'm ready to move on."

Finn stalks across the room, stops at the door, and looks back at Kurt. "Thanks. Thanks for blowing off my girlfriend's issues that are pretty much the same as your own. Thanks for abandoning us to go to some preppy school and failing to care about people who are your friends. You can leave, but I thought you'd still care about us. I guess not."

He bangs the door shut angrily and hears a picture fall off the wall on the other side.

He doesn't care. He's done.

/~/

Rachel, again, says nothing in Glee club the next day. Mr. Schue has to ask her a direct question before she looks up from her sheet music, and then she begins to cry.

Immediately, Santana rolls her eyes. "More waterworks, Berry? What sort of thoughts were you having this week you'd like to share with us?"

Finn spits over his shoulder, "Shut up, Santana."

Rachel leans into him, and Mr. Schuester comes over and kneels in front of her. "Rachel, you've been upset almost every Glee practice for awhile now. What's going on?"

"I don't want to sing at Sectionals. Give the solo to someone else."

There's a collective gasp from the club, and the teacher furrows his brow. "What?"

"I don't want to. I'm tired of being called, of being followed at the mall, in the parking lots. I don't want the visibility anymore. Give it to Santana or to Quinn or to Mercedes. I'm tired of it."

"More bullying?" asks Quinn, and everyone turns to look at her. "That's what it sounds like."

"I don't know who's doing it," sniffles Rachel. "I just know that it never goes away. And I'm getting tired of it."

"Don't you leave, too!" Artie rolls up, his face a mask of concern. "We can't lose you, too."

"I'm not leaving," says Rachel, but her face holds an expression of uncertainty, and Mr. Schuester finally stands up.

"Who are they, Rachel? Have you got a list of numbers?"

"Yes." She hands him her phone, and he scrolls through. "I'll check on this. This has got to stop."

Finn looks at his girlfriend, curled in his arms, and sighs.

The Glee club is deconstructing, and he has no idea what to do about it.


End file.
